I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx

Best Premise Ever: Lady Terminator

by Johnathon Davis
Feb. 10, 2013
Anybody with even a cursory knowledge of American action movies of the 80’s has seen the first Terminator film. It was a hit all over the world, but who would have guessed that Indonesia could crank out a knock off so amazing? It quite literally had all the elements of an 80’s action blockbuster but forced through a bizarre cultural sieve until only the most necessary elements survived- albeit in the most entertainingly lumped together fashion the world has yet witnessed.

The primary idea behind this yarn is based on the “Legend of the South Sea Queen”. I suggest looking that up for a more thorough explanation than I am about to give if you want the full skinny, as my version is going to be the most truncated one you will likely ever see:

Long ago a shedemon known as the South Sea Queen who is busy getting laid by as many men as she can find so she can find someone to satisfy her. Along comes a very European looking guy who manages to do just that to the extent that he manages to knick off with the eel like thingy that lives in her crotch which she has been castrating all her previous lovers with. Turning the eel thingy into some sort of dagger thingy, he defiantly proclaims her his wife. South Sea Queen will have none of it and declares revenge to be taken on his great granddaughter. Combine this with an indestructible and comely young lass with a machine gun possessed by the evil Queen to exact her revenge some years later and you have the beginnings of a premise that can only be described with one word: WINNER.

Action fare isn’t really for everyone and I am just babbling my opinion sure, but sometimes movies like this can be a LOT of fun. The quintessential elements are all in place, here is a brief list of what this movie has in store for you:

-car chases
-excessive frontal nudity
-excessive genital mutilation
-machine guns with endless supplies of ammunition
-a musical score with enough orchestra hits to choke a camel

The main hero (a burned out and incredibly bored looking police officer) has some really amazing muscle bound buddies, one of which (unless my sixth sense of knowitall fails me) is voiced over by the same dude who did the voice of Ben Dickson in Robotech. Yet another looks like the most amazing machine gunned/mulleted/surfer duded version of David Spade you have never ever seen before. I ask you- how can you go wrong with this?

Movies like this make me wish I knew way more about the B side of foreign cinema. Yes we have Lady Terminator (a video rental legend in its own right), but what about movies that never made it to our shores? One can only imagine what other treasures lay buried in the vaults of some forgotten Asian film archive. The forces that spawned this film upon us can only be guessed at, but who or what they were and were thinking I’m glad it all managed to pan out so well.

As I can never give an adequate idea of the behind the whatsis of this film, I’ve scared up this terrific interview with the Lady Terminator herself, thank you industrious wordpress writer! Peep this link and gain the hidden knowledge:


It’s a weird ride, but one you won’t regret.

Johnathon lives in Portland, Oregon. He makes collages. He also writes things for Network Awesome, as well as his weekly movie review blog which can be found at http://fshomevideo.blogspot.com. You should read it, it's really terrific.