I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx

Pete Best: Kind Of Like Journalism


by Audra Puchalski and Jane Cope
May 22, 2011
George Harrison broke a nail! Shit!
How can he just do that, break a nail
and not even look for the clipping
in the newspaper or the hair clippings on the floor
when Yoko cut off her long crazy hair
that scared the Jethro Tull flautist.

It takes a lot to scare a Jethro Tull flautist.
And by a lot, I mean it takes Yoko gobbling
like a slaughtered turkey which of course also

frightened the delicate sensibilities of Beatlemaniacs.
Beatlemaniacs are known for their delicacy—

many of them are invalids, for instance,
spending all day in bed in mountains of pillows,
watching A Hard Day’s Night and coughing softly.
Whoa,

shit Ringo, your mild case of rheumatism
would make a sweet backdrop to “I Get By
With a Little Help From My Friends” etc. etc.
Flowers and colorful marching band uniforms:

that was sexy. Yoko Ono probably thought so too.
She laid down in sheets and hair and masturbated
to the possibilities of it. That and the idea

of sneaking into a tiny cupboard where no one could see her.

This isn’t that hard because she’s pretty small,
even smaller now that she cut off all that hair.

In fact, Ringo has taken advantage of the situation
and has actually fashioned a three-piece suit, wig
and merkin in the hopes of being seen as more than
just a drummer. So they made Help! At least,
that’s how I imagine it. Sometimes I forget, but

Ringo actually had fans. He was several peoples’ favorite.
Ok so my mom’s best friend in high school actually
broke down in the cafeteria and CRIED when
she heard that Ringo was finally married. This person
turned out to be my 8th grade history teacher. True story.

Jane Cope and Audra Puchalski met. (There were mouth-noises involved.) At the time of writing this bio, they are washing cat-pee off of clothes and preparing for snacks. (This pretty typical.) They are at work on a collaborative chapbook, Meats Of My Childhood.